Attachment Styles
Attachment theory was initially created by John Bowlby by looking at the anxiety and distress a child experienced when separated from their primary caregivers (Cherry, 2023). Attachment theory was one of the first that looked at the combination of emotional and physical bonds that a child has with a caregiver, recognizing that true attachment goes deeper than basic needs. Bowlby, like many others theorized that children are born with the innate drive to form attachments with caregivers in order to survive. The central theme of attachment theory is that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to an infants needs allows the child to develop a sense of security, learning that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world and develop other healthy relationships.
In the 1970s, psychologist Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby’s work with a study known as the “strange situation” study, which observed how children between the ages of 12 and 18 months responded when their primary caregiver left a room and then was reunited with them.
This video depicts an example of the strange situation study which was used to divide attachment into 4 distinct categories: secure, anxious, avoidant and anxious-avoidant (the 4th of which was added in 1986 by researchers Main and Solomon). Although attachment happens in phases, it is believed that the overall foundation of attachment is developed by the time a child reaches 12 months old, with infants’ showings a strong preference of attachment from ages 7-11 months. However, from 9 months to 18 months, children are able to form strong attachments with multiple caregivers, including a second parent, older siblings, grandparents or other caregiving figures.
Many factors influence ability for attachment, however, the two main factors are opportunity and quality. Opportunity refers to whether or not children have a primary care figure present. For example, children raised in orphanages often fail to develop sense of trust due to lack of a consistent caregiver. Quality refers to how quickly and consistently a caregiver responds to a child. Children learn that they can depend on the people who caring for them, which is the essential foundation for attachment.
Anxious
The anxious attachment style is also sometimes referred to as ambivalent attachment. In the strange situation study, this was displayed by children who become very distressed when a parent left the room (separation anxiety). This is often caused by a lack of parent availability and a child feeling that they cannot depend on their primary caregiver when they need them. If a parent is inconsistent in their parenting style (sometimes responsive to needs and other times unavailable or distracted) this can lead to feeling of anxiety and uncertainty about whether your needs will be met. This can translate to adult relationships in fear of not knowing if they can depend on others, although they want or desire to.
Avoidant
Children with an avoidant attachment style do not show preference for their caregiver compared to the stranger, in the strange situation study. This attachment style may be the result of abusive or neglectful caregiver OR children who are punished for relying on a caregiver and encouraged to avoid seeking help. This often comes from parents who are unavailable (emotionally) during infancy. Because your parent was not meeting these needs, you learned to distance yourself emotionally and tried to self-soothe. This builds a foundation of avoiding intimacy and craving independence in later life, even when met with distress caused by this over-independence or lack of intimacy.
Anxious-Avoidant
Anxious-Avoidant, also known as Disorganized attachment are children who display a confusing mix of both behaviors. They may display anxiety when the caregiver leaves, but then show avoidance or resistance towards the caregiver when they return. This is likely link to inconsistent caregiver behavior, leading the child to feel uncertain about what type of care they may receive from a caregiver. The anxious-avoidant attachment style is often caused by trauma and may be due to a primary caregiver who has unresolved trauma themselves. They parent may have alternated between being a source of comfort and love to being a source of abuse or fear, triggering confusion for the child about relationships (which translates into confusion about relationships into adulthood). It has also been found that this can come from having two primary caregivers with polar opposite parenting styles (one parent is extremely coddling while the other is extremely cold) making it hard for a child to know what to expect in others.
Secure
Secure or healthy attachment, in the strange situation study, is displayed by children who display distress when separated and joy when reunited. Although they child may be upset, they feel reassured that the caregiver will return. In order to develop a secure attachment, it is likely that your caregiver was able to stay engaged with you as an infant and effectively manage their own stress as well as calm and soothe you when you were distressed. They communicated (verbally and non-verbally) through emotional distress, responded to your changing needs regularly and enable your nervous system to feel relaxed. We must recognize that no caregiver is perfect 24/7. In fact, its been shown that this isn’t necessary to establish secure attachment. The repair (when your caregiver missed your nonverbal cues, they kept trying to figure out what you needed) keeps a secure attachment on track.
So why does this matter? I can assume that if you are reading this, that means you are past 18 months, or the age that an attachment style is initially developed. However, that does not mean that the impact of attachment may not be present in your life. Children with secure attachment are more likely to have improved self-esteem and self-reliance as they grow older. They are more likely to develop independence, perform better in school, have successful social relationships and experience less mental health concerns.
Attachment styles make the most impact on our relationships throughout life and can show up in a variety of ways. If you are interested in learning more about attachment styles and their impact on relationships, bookmark this page for the next post!
If you are located in the state of South Dakota and are interested in counseling services related to attachment healing, reach out here.
As a caregiver, it can be incredibly hard to take in this information or begin to wonder about the attachment you built early in your child’s life. There are many reasons why even a loving, conscientious parent may not be successful in creating a secure attachment (being young, post-partum depression, addiction, trauma, separation). It’s also important to recognize that in today’s world, many working moms are unable to provide the 24/7 care for a child that was common during the times of these initial studies. If you experienced any of these, it is okay. Although the first stone of attachment is developed by the age of 18 months, it is continuously impacted throughout our lifetime. Change is not impossible & simply by reading this post and educating yourself, you are taking the first step toward healing.
If you are a caregiver throughout the United States who is interested in education about attachment and parenting/caregiver coaching services, reach out here.
Sources:
Cherry, K. (2023, February 22). What Is Attachment Theory? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337
Mary Ainsworth. (2009). The Strange Situation - Mary Ainsworth. In YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsewNrHUHU